Matthews, Ellison
by gir-loves-piggy
Summary: Your gonna think im crazy when you read this. its my firstt story. its about a 18 year old crazy girl...
1. Chapter 1

The Start of it All.

My head began to pound. I ran, I wanted to breathe smoke into my lungs, I wished these voices would stop. I knew none of these wishes would come true. I had to run to make sure they didn't catch me. I was out of ciggeretts. The voices always played. Like a mp3 on repeat, they would never stop. My name is ellison terry matthews. And i am scitsoffrinic, diagnosed by myself from the age of 12 years old. No one would listen to me. I am now 18 years old. Not graduated. Virgin. And hating life more and more each day.

Let's back up.

I woke up to the sounds of them speaking "wake up"…. WAKE UP. Those were the words that woke me up each day. At 8 o'clock. Never 7:59, or 8:01. 8:oo. And so the day began. I stood up slowly taking in the first breath of the day. Then as I walked through my door I hit my foot "fuck" I mummered. And kept walking. I leaned into the bathroom. And looked at myself. Probably the longest I've ever looked at myself in that mirror. I put my hands on the cold sink. I felt the sweat on my palms move onto the counter top. I looked myself in the eyes. They were empty even I could see that. My cheeks, the pours leaked pessamistic dreams. I knew that I would never have what I wanted in life. I was okay with that. I was content. Then I put my hands on the mirror, turned and walked down the stairs. I strolled to the refrigerator opened the freezer and grabbed the jimmy dean sausage with egg biscuts. Placed one in the microwave "Don't eat that" I heard "not today"

"why not?" I argued

"today, you will not eat anything" the voice said smoothly

I shut the microwave and cooked the biscut anyway. "you cant control me" I whispered.

"Ellison…" my brain spoke

My head throbbed. I sat in the floor and clutched at my temples. I screamed, but no one was home. No one could hear me. I was not alone though. With the voices I was never alone.


	2. Chapter 2

The Breaking Point.

The night came. I had a knife. I had the sharpest knife I could find. I place it on my flesh on my bicep. And felt nothing. I pressed harder and harder till I heard "if you're going to kill yourself, this is not the most efficient way you go about it."

I lifted the blade. Only to place it again, only lower on my arm. I put the knife down to reveal a large puddle of blood.

"Please," the voices said "Get up, Go see someone, Go make sure they sleep, Well." I laid my head back and cried. I knew it was my time to listen to them. It was time to show the world I am insane, and I was never to be second guessed. So, I picked up the knife, stood up, and walked out the door. Crying. I went across the street to the neighbor's house knocked on the door. A woman answered the door. "Hello?" She said obviously puzzled. "Oh, oh, my god your arm! What happened to you stay right here I'll call the police!" she said worried

"NO!" I yelled through my tears. "I'm sick," I said slowly and pulled the knife out from behind my back. She tried to close the door I put my foot in the door and grabbed her arm. "I'll make this quick. I'm sorry, I have to do this for the voices." The woman screamed. A blood curdling scream. I quickly stabbed her chest. She was trying to speak. But I knew she wasn't able to. "I'm sorry" I repeated. Then I held her close to me and stabbed her in the back. The blood fell on the floor. I laid her down And kissed her forehead. "I'm sorry," I said again. I was now covered in this woman's blood. I didn't know her but I felt extremely close to her. In a way I have never felt I was deep in my feeling. When I heard "Run." Which was followed by a siren. So I did just that. I ran, I ran not because they told me to but because I knew if I didn't. I would not go home. They would send me to a place, with people in white coats, nurses with big noses, and people who would scream because all they wanted was a god damn juice box. What else could they want? What else would they need? They were fucking insane. Something I knew I was… but I didn't want to be.


	3. Chapter 3

The Reality Sets In.

The battle against myself raged. In the moments when I killed her I felt… normal, like an actual human. Would I ever kill again? Would I ever get that feeling of holding someone's life in the palms that were attatched to this thing. This thing. Me? No, I haven't been myself in about seven years. The voices consumed me.

I came back to reality

I was running from the sirens, "someone heard her scream" they spoke. "don't let them put you away." I ran Through my neighborhood without aim. "where should I go?" I screamed my voice hoarse from my panting. "you tell me to do something I did now tell me! What the fuck am I supposed to do?" there was no sound. The sirens blared. They found her. So again I ran, Only this time into the woods. I could hear the crunching of the leaves beneath my own feet. My ankles began to swell. I could feel them pulsing. Sweat began to drip from my forehead and chest. The tears in my eyes blurring my vision forced me to sit. "don't cry Ellison…" the voices finally had spoken

"why not? You got me into this bullshit." I sniffed then broke out into another sob. "I wish you were out of my head," I wiped my tears. " I. WISH. YOU. WERE GONE."I said so loud it ran over the noise of the sirens. "But what on earth would you do without me?" they asked in a demonic over bearing tone. "Live?" they laughed at the thought "How could you get by a day without me?"

I paused. 'I'm not going to answer that question,' I thought. It a trap. It's always a trap. I stood up. And began taking steps which direction should I go? Should I just go home? Through the back door so no one will see me? But if they did. I looked at my hands blood covered them. From my own blood yes. But also from the woman. I looked at my shirt. I couldn't tell what it had on it. All t saw was soppy red turning brown blood. I had no money, no food, and no clothes. I had no choice I had to make my way back home.


End file.
